Divorce is a relatively tumultuous process. Spouses ending a marriage or responding to a divorce filing often experience an emotional roller coaster. They may go from grief to guilt to anger in a few hours. It can take many months for them to move through all of those complex emotions and begin healing.
The individuals divorcing aren’t the only ones affected by the end of a marriage. The children in their family also have a difficult emotional time ahead. Parents sometimes delay divorce because they worry about the impact it may have on their children.
How can parents protect their children as they move forward with divorce proceedings?
Present a united front
Although cooperation during divorce can be difficult, parents can sometimes achieve a cooperative approach by focusing on their children. Breaking the news to the children jointly can be beneficial. The whole family can talk through the matter as a unit. Parents then have an opportunity to inform their children that they are not at fault and that the parents intend to work together to make things as easy on the children as possible. If the children perceive the parents as a team rather than opposing forces, they may have an easier time adjusting to shared custody.
Keep conflict minimal
While intense parental emotions are normal, parents should try not to expose their children to their negative feelings. Avoid talking negatively about the other parent or letting the children overhear arguments. The more conflict children witness, the harder the divorce may become for them. Parents who have healthy communication styles and a safe space in which to express their frustrations may find it easier to insulate their children from the drama of divorce.
Prioritize consistency and predictability
The more things that parents can keep the same throughout the divorce, the better. Keeping the children at the same school, maintaining the same schedule and enforcing the same rules at both houses can help children adjust to the new situation more easily. Children have an easier time meeting expectations when those expectations are clear and consistent. They may also have an easier time processing difficult emotions when they retain their connections to their social support systems.
Keeping the focus on the children as much as possible, communicating honestly with a co-parent and giving the children space to express their negative emotions can all help them adjust to a challenging situation. Shared child custody isn’t easy, but that doesn’t mean it needs to be traumatic. Parents who try to reduce conflict and keep things consistent for their children can limit the emotional damage their divorce causes.